Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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