I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
