I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
