no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
