Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
