You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
