im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
