I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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