dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
