im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
