Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
tell me about the fingering
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