My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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