So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
