Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
