Don't make out with my wife yet
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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