eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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