hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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