you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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