Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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