Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
