ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize