there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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