So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
