i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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