Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
