3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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