Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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