he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
