So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
