ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
