Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
