i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
