just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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