how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
