God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
