I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
