So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
