Buhtt sex?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
