we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
