ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I smell stomach acid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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