I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
