youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
