Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
