you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
