What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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