I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You ruined the universe
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize