she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
