Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
