i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
