i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
