Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
