just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
