I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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