Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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