Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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