Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
