Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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