is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
