The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
