why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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