i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
