New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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