I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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