i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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