You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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