this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
