watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
