new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
