It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
