I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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