so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize