I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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