How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
did you just send me my own nude
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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