every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
