Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
