Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
