he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
