we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Even my vagina gasped.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
