All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
