i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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